Aislee Baby

(So my sis Amanda is gonna have to help me with this... I dont know how to change or do anything cool...)

So I went into preterm labor with my sweet baby Aislee. I am now dialated to one centemeter. I had to have a Terbutaline shot (most gawd awful medicine ever created as far as how it effected me) to stop contractions. It worked wonderfully, thank goodness because Aislee needs more time in the oven :). I am on bedrest til I see Doc on the 28th. I am not very good at sitting still for long, this is gonna be hard. LOL!

On a lighter note, Aislee continues her daily ballet lessons in my belly. Until I turn on my hard rock music... then it just feels like shes head banging :) Thats my girl!!!

Just plain confused

I am not good at this... but its not for anyone to read. Just for me to vent.

I keep telling myself I hate Ty. I cant help it but love him. I feel like a silly little girl. He has done the worst things a man could do to a woman in a relationship. I guess I just want to feel like i was good enough for him. But i guess i wasnt. or he was too afraid. but three year relationship .... youd think i meant something.

The other girl contacted me the other day... i am not quite sure how i feel about that. I dont know if she is lying to me... trying to get info... or if she was just upset... or if she was actually coming to me for help and to give help. I will just keep my guard up and see how that goes.

I am 28 wekks preggo today. Tyler wants nothing to do with aislee. he wants so much to do with Kalliope. but nothing to do with his second daughter. i dont get why.... maybe because she is mine... maybe because kallie is annas... i dont know. but i'm not gonna lie... its hurt a little. though i am glad i wont have to share my angel baby.

my baby shower is in a month from today... i am getting really excited for aislee to get here. mom is actually recognizing that i am preggo now. i get why she held off for so long... but i was worried she just wasnt gonna be involved at all.

I will talk about tyler in alot of my blogs... i guess thats why i signed up for this thing... to vent. and i dont have much else to be upset about right now. he is the only negative thing that i just cant seem to get out of my head, though he seems to have erased me from his. I just dont understand how he can do that. like three years meant nothing. like me being pregnant with his child means nothing. like my boys never meant anything. so was it all just lies? was i just a decoy til he found what he wanted? why is he taalking to missy? why talk so much shit about anna just to go back to her.... is it because he can be closer to kallie if hes with her.... or does he actually care about her? who is the flagstaff chick? if anna wasnt just trying to get info... why hasnt she texted me back about the restraining order she announced to me that she was getting?

So many questions that i will never have answers to. and they all connect to a man i should careless about. So what is wrong with me? i dont hate being alone. i dont hate that i get aislee all to myself. i dont hate that i dont have to deal with all him bullshit and lies anymore. so why cant my brain shut up? why does my heart hurt when i think about him?

til another day... i guess i'll just wonder.